A few quotes.....

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
- Chris Rock

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
-Ellen DeGeneres

Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-George Bernard Shaw

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx

We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it, that's it.
- Jack Black

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.
- Jack Black

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.
-Jack Nicholson

I've been too many places. I'm like the bad penny.
-Jack Nicholson

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.
-Jack Nicholson

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
-Steven Wright

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Now playing: Nirvana - Token Eastern Song (Demo, 1989)
via FoxyTunes