Leaving On A Jet Plane...

Ah! that evening was so beautiful infact that whole day, I had my fingers crossed throughout and it did happen.

I received a call from him. He wanted to know if I was gonna be there. We planned a date with a walk near the so-called 'Race Track'. Perfect. suddenly for no reason I get this feelin of looking really good. A person like me wouldn't mind wearing pajama's in a mall in broad daylight, but all of a sudden I'm fussing over what to wear.

I picked up the most crumpled t-shirt and the dirtiest pair of jeans i owned only thinking I'll make a horrible ass outta myself. He was in shorts and held the guitar that actually made me go Ga-Ga over him. I so love men in shorts!!! I saw him smoke a whole packet of Marlboro's and i was genuinely not irritated, infact I found it fascinating every time he blew out lil rings in the air to catch my attention, coz i told him how badly i wished i could do that. Every time he passed by, i whisked a lil sniff just too smell him. A really musky and spicy blend with a hint of his smokes. It was splendid.

All i kept wishing for was that lil part when he catches my eye and stares deep into them, but that didn't happen.

Later that evening, i went for his gig. This time dressed a lil better than the last time. I'd love to see my man wear checks and this guy so was in checks. It was as if all the right strings were being pulled, which reminds me how bad the crowd sucked. The band was throughly disappointed. I hated that expression on his face. i asked his if he could play my favorite song. And he did, even though he didn't have the chords for it.

We went for a walk later. He kept brushing his hand against mine. Me a lil less smart to understand it took it away. He pretended to be iinterested in the bruise on my hand, finding a great oppotunity to hold my hand, thus finally hinting me, he was INTERESTED!!!

It rained. It was beautiful. We still smile when we pass under the very tree he kissed me under.
He hates saying goodbye, and says i always rush off like its nobody's business.

He loves listening to me say poof. i love seeing him imitate bugs bunny. He loves navigating his way back home when im riding. I love those lil things he does to make me feel like i'm the one.(I do hope i am).

I love the way we sing this song, coz it ends at "...dunno when I'll be back again...". That's coz none of us know the lyrics.....

I regret...

I regret having loved someone so much, that i can't even move on with what I have in life.
I regret making someone soar so high, that now,when I wanna leave his side, all his castles built in mid air, might come crashing down.
I regret becoming what I've become and being helpless to not stop myself.
I regret blaming myself for mistakes other people have made.
I regret not being selfish enough to be happy.
I regret letting in people into the darkest corners of my life.
I regret letting them walk all over me, leaving me to cry alone.

But I don't regret being alone, of taking all that crap, of being confused, of hating myself so much that I can slit my wrists and watch me creep into the land of the dead or of all those mistakes I've made, coz at the end of the day it only makes me stronger...

Soul Food

Bah.... life without music seems completely pointless. Am seriously gonna screw the living happiness outta that sify guy.

Suprisingly, college seems to be fun now. Besides the general randomness, I realised how I 'wanna' study (yeah yeah you can stop guffawing your ass off). I still haven't got my ID, so we're supposed to carry this 'fee- receipt' thing, that gives ous our lost identity( sounds dramatic eh?). Major discoveries that follow, guys at H.R. college are mmmmmmmmuuuuccchhh better looking than the K.C. guys. Added advantages to that, all our lectures are being held at the H. R. building(he he). So every morning my day starts with this really cute guy, with a baritone voice asking me for my full name. I wonder why :-)

I finally found company. It's actually saved my life to some extent. Trust me,i could've gone without talkin to anyone for the whole year, which is only possible if im provided with the right amount of music, right books(please not stuff like,"A hundred years in Solitude" it was all about people renaming kids after themselves and later having incest relationships with them) and the right amount of caffeine. Right now, i guess our favorite hangout is outside the cultural club office(not bigger than my toilet) on the fifth floor.

But at the same time, i miss being intelligent( like Sharang says,"Proch, you don't study being an arts student. It ruins your reputation). I miss running around for calculators and calculating 689x45 mentally. I miss wearing a tie to school, which also means i hate deciding what to wear every morning, coz its impossible for a person like me to be conscious about what to wear, but ultimately I AM.

I'm glad i'm confused, coz, confusion personifies me!!!