There I was starting my fresh term, in a fresh school, which seemed more like a concentration camp. It lacked the very core of going to a new place, fun. I walked in with my hair in a mess, kohl in my eyes, skirt shorter than what the school's rule book specified, converse in my feet. My rebel look, which usually spoke my attitude out, Don't mess with me, I am THE outcast.
I walk into my classroom, welcomed by this girl who goes like," Oh! So you are Vasundhara Singh..." I was a lil shocked, wondering if i had already earned my celebrity status.
Me: "How do you know?"
Gal: " the vice principal read out this letter sent by your dad, explaining your delay. How's your mother feeling now?"
Me: {Scratching head, wondering what happened to my mom} Oh! She's great. Just got discharged out of the hospital. Bad diarrhea. You know it's the season.
God! I was late to school by like 4 days. Reason, I was sent to Delhi for brain washing. But I didn't care.
I looked for an isolated corner in class, which was already occupied by this guy, who I'll really like to take interest in. I took a seat next to the weird girl and whispered to her," Whose he?"
Gal: Oh! He's Sharan.
Me: {Drooling} Ahhhh.....
Surprisingly his name turned out to be Sharang... I like guys with a unique name. I tried to get talking with him, but he was taken already by this chick who showed an immense amount of interest in him. I was heart broken. He listens to trance, but at least knew that West life wasn't a rock band!!!
There I was stuck in the hell hole filled with people obsessed with Orkut, trying to draw account table formats, trying to adjust myself with teachers and students alike who couldn't get the G out of grammar.
I got to know him over the period time. But it was more like we were competing in this place with absolutely no attitude for attitude and ego. Yep! ego, huge ones. I started to like him for the person he was; strong emotionally, cute{kill me for this one}, witty, cute, smart, cute, intellectual and cute. But he didn't like me at all. Avoided me, was rude to my face. What more was I asking for. I Wanted a friend in this cruel and harsh world.
People hated me. I still talked to him. He got tired of all the attention he was getting from the female kind from school. He drew back, for atleast a month, he avoided interaction with anyone. I grew curious.
He poured his heart out, told me how his life was back in Colaba. How he wanted to go back, how he hated this Orkut obsessed place. We were in a similar situation.
I asked him out and he turned me down. I cried, I wasn't good enough.
We got back to our lives. Him with studying, Me with dating random assholes. Then we had this school trip. I tried my luck again. it worked. We dated for two days and broke up cuz we're only great friends. Yeah he was right. We got back to our lives again. This time getting closer to each other.
Cutting it shorter.... I really love him. For the person he is. I know him inside out {i guess} he is my pillar of support in times of need. He is my best friend.
Even today when we have nothing to say and we're sitting together, with out cigarettes, we always have something to talk about. I really love him... He's the warmth that comforts me when im all cold, he's the very reason i have faith in friendship. He is my best friend.
----------------
Now playing: u2 - with or without you
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: Judas Priest - Turbo Lover
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: Dead Prez - Hell Yeah
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: Ludacris - Act A Fool
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: The Doobie Brothers - Long Train Running (Live)
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: My Chemical Romance - The Ghost Of You
via FoxyTunes
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
my misery
Punk is no longer herself, shes lost herself to the deathly metal gods. She no longer holds that inner self persona that she had about herself. She wanted to break free from the bonds of fiction and for once be glad she's in the real world.
There she was led by the stranger with deep dark eyes, promising nature and loving aura into the deep dark dungeon of sorrow...
sounds like a very good start for a story. I've noticed, my blog seem more like as if I've got nothing but to crib about my damsel in distress situation, coz here i blame everyone who have made hell outta my life. In fact they do nothing wrong, i believe i turn stronger every time i taste the dust.
Like, for example, I've written about Shantanu here. Honestly i was smitten by him, but soon after i was in a relationship with him i realized, we were perfect, but not for each other. i was the horrid person. Then it was Dev, yeah he was nice i really couldn't get over him for like a llong time, but then someone made me realize after much convincing, how i was missing out on waht i had.
it takes a lot of effort to sit and actually wonder what are the things that perturb you the most, but just one little thing that can pull you out of misery. it depends on what kind of a situation you are in, the little thing can either be an apology you have to make, or just a few things you need to clarify with your ex boyfriend.
my misery is that I feel, something like a relationship can actually make me feel better about myself. But there again I miss out on all my passion for life which actually help me to move on in life. Be it my love for books & music, or helping out friends. I always miss out on these things and crib about not having the perfect guy.
And about Dev, an apology i have to make to him. I bothered him by crying about him all the time. The very fact that i could actually move on, saying that,"This guy is gonna have a nice time getting hold of a lotta chicks, who draw away from men, coz they think they are gonna hurt them." But no i cried about him all the time, and I'm glad i'm actually taking this step of having a lil chat with him, asking him why he broke up with me. which will be my tiny lil reason of relief...
THE END
----------------
Now playing: Demonic Resurrection - My Misery
via FoxyTunes
There she was led by the stranger with deep dark eyes, promising nature and loving aura into the deep dark dungeon of sorrow...
sounds like a very good start for a story. I've noticed, my blog seem more like as if I've got nothing but to crib about my damsel in distress situation, coz here i blame everyone who have made hell outta my life. In fact they do nothing wrong, i believe i turn stronger every time i taste the dust.
Like, for example, I've written about Shantanu here. Honestly i was smitten by him, but soon after i was in a relationship with him i realized, we were perfect, but not for each other. i was the horrid person. Then it was Dev, yeah he was nice i really couldn't get over him for like a llong time, but then someone made me realize after much convincing, how i was missing out on waht i had.
it takes a lot of effort to sit and actually wonder what are the things that perturb you the most, but just one little thing that can pull you out of misery. it depends on what kind of a situation you are in, the little thing can either be an apology you have to make, or just a few things you need to clarify with your ex boyfriend.
my misery is that I feel, something like a relationship can actually make me feel better about myself. But there again I miss out on all my passion for life which actually help me to move on in life. Be it my love for books & music, or helping out friends. I always miss out on these things and crib about not having the perfect guy.
And about Dev, an apology i have to make to him. I bothered him by crying about him all the time. The very fact that i could actually move on, saying that,"This guy is gonna have a nice time getting hold of a lotta chicks, who draw away from men, coz they think they are gonna hurt them." But no i cried about him all the time, and I'm glad i'm actually taking this step of having a lil chat with him, asking him why he broke up with me. which will be my tiny lil reason of relief...
THE END
----------------
Now playing: Demonic Resurrection - My Misery
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Leaving On A Jet Plane...
Ah! that evening was so beautiful infact that whole day, I had my fingers crossed throughout and it did happen.
I received a call from him. He wanted to know if I was gonna be there. We planned a date with a walk near the so-called 'Race Track'. Perfect. suddenly for no reason I get this feelin of looking really good. A person like me wouldn't mind wearing pajama's in a mall in broad daylight, but all of a sudden I'm fussing over what to wear.
I picked up the most crumpled t-shirt and the dirtiest pair of jeans i owned only thinking I'll make a horrible ass outta myself. He was in shorts and held the guitar that actually made me go Ga-Ga over him. I so love men in shorts!!! I saw him smoke a whole packet of Marlboro's and i was genuinely not irritated, infact I found it fascinating every time he blew out lil rings in the air to catch my attention, coz i told him how badly i wished i could do that. Every time he passed by, i whisked a lil sniff just too smell him. A really musky and spicy blend with a hint of his smokes. It was splendid.
All i kept wishing for was that lil part when he catches my eye and stares deep into them, but that didn't happen.
Later that evening, i went for his gig. This time dressed a lil better than the last time. I'd love to see my man wear checks and this guy so was in checks. It was as if all the right strings were being pulled, which reminds me how bad the crowd sucked. The band was throughly disappointed. I hated that expression on his face. i asked his if he could play my favorite song. And he did, even though he didn't have the chords for it.
We went for a walk later. He kept brushing his hand against mine. Me a lil less smart to understand it took it away. He pretended to be iinterested in the bruise on my hand, finding a great oppotunity to hold my hand, thus finally hinting me, he was INTERESTED!!!
It rained. It was beautiful. We still smile when we pass under the very tree he kissed me under.
He hates saying goodbye, and says i always rush off like its nobody's business.
He loves listening to me say poof. i love seeing him imitate bugs bunny. He loves navigating his way back home when im riding. I love those lil things he does to make me feel like i'm the one.(I do hope i am).
I love the way we sing this song, coz it ends at "...dunno when I'll be back again...". That's coz none of us know the lyrics.....
I received a call from him. He wanted to know if I was gonna be there. We planned a date with a walk near the so-called 'Race Track'. Perfect. suddenly for no reason I get this feelin of looking really good. A person like me wouldn't mind wearing pajama's in a mall in broad daylight, but all of a sudden I'm fussing over what to wear.
I picked up the most crumpled t-shirt and the dirtiest pair of jeans i owned only thinking I'll make a horrible ass outta myself. He was in shorts and held the guitar that actually made me go Ga-Ga over him. I so love men in shorts!!! I saw him smoke a whole packet of Marlboro's and i was genuinely not irritated, infact I found it fascinating every time he blew out lil rings in the air to catch my attention, coz i told him how badly i wished i could do that. Every time he passed by, i whisked a lil sniff just too smell him. A really musky and spicy blend with a hint of his smokes. It was splendid.
All i kept wishing for was that lil part when he catches my eye and stares deep into them, but that didn't happen.
Later that evening, i went for his gig. This time dressed a lil better than the last time. I'd love to see my man wear checks and this guy so was in checks. It was as if all the right strings were being pulled, which reminds me how bad the crowd sucked. The band was throughly disappointed. I hated that expression on his face. i asked his if he could play my favorite song. And he did, even though he didn't have the chords for it.
We went for a walk later. He kept brushing his hand against mine. Me a lil less smart to understand it took it away. He pretended to be iinterested in the bruise on my hand, finding a great oppotunity to hold my hand, thus finally hinting me, he was INTERESTED!!!
It rained. It was beautiful. We still smile when we pass under the very tree he kissed me under.
He hates saying goodbye, and says i always rush off like its nobody's business.
He loves listening to me say poof
I love the way we sing this song, coz it ends at "...dunno when I'll be back again...". That's coz none of us know the lyrics.....
Friday, July 13, 2007
I regret...
I regret having loved someone so much, that i can't even move on with what I have in life.
I regret making someone soar so high, that now,when I wanna leave his side, all his castles built in mid air, might come crashing down.
I regret becoming what I've become and being helpless to not stop myself.
I regret blaming myself for mistakes other people have made.
I regret not being selfish enough to be happy.
I regret letting in people into the darkest corners of my life.
I regret letting them walk all over me, leaving me to cry alone.
But I don't regret being alone, of taking all that crap, of being confused, of hating myself so much that I can slit my wrists and watch me creep into the land of the dead or of all those mistakes I've made, coz at the end of the day it only makes me stronger...
I regret making someone soar so high, that now,when I wanna leave his side, all his castles built in mid air, might come crashing down.
I regret becoming what I've become and being helpless to not stop myself.
I regret blaming myself for mistakes other people have made.
I regret not being selfish enough to be happy.
I regret letting in people into the darkest corners of my life.
I regret letting them walk all over me, leaving me to cry alone.
But I don't regret being alone, of taking all that crap, of being confused, of hating myself so much that I can slit my wrists and watch me creep into the land of the dead or of all those mistakes I've made, coz at the end of the day it only makes me stronger...
Monday, July 9, 2007
Soul Food
Bah.... life without music seems completely pointless. Am seriously gonna screw the living happiness outta that sify guy.
Suprisingly, college seems to be fun now. Besides the general randomness, I realised how I 'wanna' study (yeah yeah you can stop guffawing your ass off). I still haven't got my ID, so we're supposed to carry this 'fee- receipt' thing, that gives ous our lost identity( sounds dramatic eh?). Major discoveries that follow, guys at H.R. college are mmmmmmmmuuuuccchhh better looking than the K.C. guys. Added advantages to that, all our lectures are being held at the H. R. building(he he). So every morning my day starts with this really cute guy, with a baritone voice asking me for my full name. I wonder why :-)
I finally found company. It's actually saved my life to some extent. Trust me,i could've gone without talkin to anyone for the whole year, which is only possible if im provided with the right amount of music, right books(please not stuff like,"A hundred years in Solitude" it was all about people renaming kids after themselves and later having incest relationships with them) and the right amount of caffeine. Right now, i guess our favorite hangout is outside the cultural club office(not bigger than my toilet) on the fifth floor.
But at the same time, i miss being intelligent( like Sharang says,"Proch, you don't study being an arts student. It ruins your reputation). I miss running around for calculators and calculating 689x45 mentally. I miss wearing a tie to school, which also means i hate deciding what to wear every morning, coz its impossible for a person like me to be conscious about what to wear, but ultimately I AM.
I'm glad i'm confused, coz, confusion personifies me!!!
Suprisingly, college seems to be fun now. Besides the general randomness, I realised how I 'wanna' study (yeah yeah you can stop guffawing your ass off). I still haven't got my ID, so we're supposed to carry this 'fee- receipt' thing, that gives ous our lost identity( sounds dramatic eh?). Major discoveries that follow, guys at H.R. college are mmmmmmmmuuuuccchhh better looking than the K.C. guys. Added advantages to that, all our lectures are being held at the H. R. building(he he). So every morning my day starts with this really cute guy, with a baritone voice asking me for my full name. I wonder why :-)
I finally found company. It's actually saved my life to some extent. Trust me,i could've gone without talkin to anyone for the whole year, which is only possible if im provided with the right amount of music, right books(please not stuff like,"A hundred years in Solitude" it was all about people renaming kids after themselves and later having incest relationships with them) and the right amount of caffeine. Right now, i guess our favorite hangout is outside the cultural club office(not bigger than my toilet) on the fifth floor.
But at the same time, i miss being intelligent( like Sharang says,"Proch, you don't study being an arts student. It ruins your reputation). I miss running around for calculators and calculating 689x45 mentally. I miss wearing a tie to school, which also means i hate deciding what to wear every morning, coz its impossible for a person like me to be conscious about what to wear, but ultimately I AM.
I'm glad i'm confused, coz, confusion personifies me!!!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Shanty Panty
Shanty, my new found glory. The only person who makes my heart soar so high, i have no clue where its reached. Meeting him was the biggest co incidence that's ever taken place in my life.
I always cherish the first times, he thought i was an immature brat, who had no clue about herself let alone the world (isn't he so right). I thought he was a attitude filled Manchester United chauvinist, blinded by their glory. But we clicked... immediately,right away,there and then.
But then we parted again. He was caught with college, me with new discoveries in my life. It was football that brought us back together, a match that was beautiful and victory was ours (Ac Milan!!! Kaka did wonders).
Then the second session. Blackberry hukka, bandstand, hand in hand, warm stares and actions that screamed louder than words. It was perfect. It was meant to be.
The very next day, in my worst attire and lowest finances we had lunch at a fancy place and paid exact change (the only excuse, students don't tip). The ride back home in the cab was filled with vague moments. Why was I so uneasy with the fact that he was holding my hand, was it fear or plain excuse to avoid another guy.
Then around 30 minutes later, the BIG question, "Proch, Would you go out with me?" ( only after my indication did it come up) and then the approval.
Shanty was there all along. He's seen me get past every relationship i had (all of which turned out to be horrible). Even as i wept about how my hugest crush refused to go out with me for the 4Th time. He says he loves me, but I'll take time. Only because i want to feel what i say to him.
I always cherish the first times, he thought i was an immature brat, who had no clue about herself let alone the world (isn't he so right). I thought he was a attitude filled Manchester United chauvinist, blinded by their glory. But we clicked... immediately,right away,there and then.
But then we parted again. He was caught with college, me with new discoveries in my life. It was football that brought us back together, a match that was beautiful and victory was ours (Ac Milan!!! Kaka did wonders).
Then the second session. Blackberry hukka, bandstand, hand in hand, warm stares and actions that screamed louder than words. It was perfect. It was meant to be.
The very next day, in my worst attire and lowest finances we had lunch at a fancy place and paid exact change (the only excuse, students don't tip). The ride back home in the cab was filled with vague moments. Why was I so uneasy with the fact that he was holding my hand, was it fear or plain excuse to avoid another guy.
Then around 30 minutes later, the BIG question, "Proch, Would you go out with me?" ( only after my indication did it come up) and then the approval.
Shanty was there all along. He's seen me get past every relationship i had (all of which turned out to be horrible). Even as i wept about how my hugest crush refused to go out with me for the 4Th time. He says he loves me, but I'll take time. Only because i want to feel what i say to him.
water water everywhere....
i loooooove the rains.... They give me a high like nothing else in this world (i mean it not even satriani's strumming). A perfect day starts off when the princess wakes up to fake a headache and ditch college, sleeps till the wee early hours of afternoon, gorges down her favorite meal and sets off for another fun filled evening.
Today I watched the brothers play. Whacko and Chocolate boy. Whacko is the elder one and my bestest buddy( honestly nothing more than that ;) ) chocolate boy is adorable and my partner in crime when it comes to playing any game against Whacko and Whackiness (his partner in crime and secret admirer). But watching the brothers play is like watching the latest episode of Star Wars. You are dying to see what's in store for you.
A few observations made by me:-
-> Whacko keeps his cool while playing. A silent stratergist and a sport who accepts defeat like he savours victory.
-> Chocolate boy loves saying "C'mon Fight!!!" for some wierd reason. Very agressive and self abusive.
-> Whacko enjoys making an ass outta me. (and i will get back at him for this someday.)
-> Whackiness is always on Whacko's side. (Duhhhh )
Anyway the above observations are highly irrelevent, but i love getting drenched in the rain. We had a lot of pushing around and dragging about. Bhutta ( corn roasted on coals and rubbed with Indian masalas) has to be a part of the Indian monsoons. there is nothing like a Kodak moment with people grinning into the cameras without realising they have corn stuck in all their teeth...
Finally riding my chariot through the rain, with drops of water hitting my face like needles was annoying. But a long drag of Marlboro lights, ah gimme a better word for Nirvana.
Friday, June 22, 2007
sudden changes
The past one week has been really strange for me. I'm dating someone i never even though i would. Not that he's bad and stuff, but its just too sudden for me. It's plain weird, a casual get together turn to a proposal, next moment I'm dating him. really like him a lot and hoping that we go a long way. then comes this really queer change in my best friend. Till date I still do have the biggest crush on him, but i"ve moved on only coz i knw it'll never work out between the both of us and even my boyfriend knows that. So, all of a sudden he just shows this real ignorant attitude to me and behaves really 'different' with this other friend of mine, who dotes on him. Anyway that is not a matter of my concern, I just hope he's serious about her coz she really likes him and i really would be happy for them if anything does work out for them.
Then there's college, really hectic almost 2 1/2 of travelling everyday, aloofness during class, just a completely different atomosphere around me.
I think I'm growing really insecure about myself and everything around me. Selfishness is taking over me. I just wanna live for myself, coz I've seen the outcome of doing everything for the people you call friends all your life. Some make up excuses like they dont have the time, some bring up accusations upon you and some simply tell you to your face that you aren't worth it.
It seriously doesnt help. Like this great friend of mine always tells me, "People walk into your life to walk out and don't really feel bad when someone walks away, coz you're meant to cherish all the moments u had with them when they were there."
Then there's college, really hectic almost 2 1/2 of travelling everyday, aloofness during class, just a completely different atomosphere around me.
I think I'm growing really insecure about myself and everything around me. Selfishness is taking over me. I just wanna live for myself, coz I've seen the outcome of doing everything for the people you call friends all your life. Some make up excuses like they dont have the time, some bring up accusations upon you and some simply tell you to your face that you aren't worth it.
It seriously doesnt help. Like this great friend of mine always tells me, "People walk into your life to walk out and don't really feel bad when someone walks away, coz you're meant to cherish all the moments u had with them when they were there."
Thursday, June 14, 2007
my first post...
Like the title says it, this is my first post. Not a matter of great achievement , but i finally did make the efforts to start off, without the interference of my do nothingness. I did try to start off a 'very exciting venture' of a blog with a friend, but didn't really work out that well, due a few unexplainable reasons. It was really crazy, but one helluvan attempt at joint blog writing....
Anyway, writing a blog no longer has that hint of significance that it had about an year back. Today, every buffoon on the road has a blog address. A few blogs actually make me laugh my ass off. Like there was this one started by this real wannabe (no offence to the wannabes, you complete our global pollution), who thought he could attract a Lotta females by putting really weird photos on his profile, of him posing in ways, that pull me back to the 1960 Hindi movies where they had sidekicks dancing with coloured dusters, usually used for cobwebs. His profile boasted of his details, about the way he looked et all. His English was worse than a kindergarten kid. I just had a time of my life laughing at his blog.
I wouldn't want pull this longer now, I'm gonna doze off on my keyboard and drool away to glory which might cause electrocution and so on... till then.
Anyway, writing a blog no longer has that hint of significance that it had about an year back. Today, every buffoon on the road has a blog address. A few blogs actually make me laugh my ass off. Like there was this one started by this real wannabe (no offence to the wannabes, you complete our global pollution), who thought he could attract a Lotta females by putting really weird photos on his profile, of him posing in ways, that pull me back to the 1960 Hindi movies where they had sidekicks dancing with coloured dusters, usually used for cobwebs. His profile boasted of his details, about the way he looked et all. His English was worse than a kindergarten kid. I just had a time of my life laughing at his blog.
I wouldn't want pull this longer now, I'm gonna doze off on my keyboard and drool away to glory which might cause electrocution and so on... till then.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)