Better Days

I remember the only thin that used to prep my spirits used to be chocolate mousse from Birdy's. I'd ride there all the way on my mutilated bike,Eliza. It brought such joy to me.

Lately, I've been awfully stressed out for no reason at all. I miss days when I traveled all the way to V.T. just to get a cup of coffee with a friend. Or have steak Tuesdays with Sharang and spend the rest of the afternoon at Kala Ghoda sitting at the amphitheater planning out holiday's we'd actually never go for.

Little things like, being excited about going to have pastry or meeting friends after a gap of 3 days, seemed so important at one time. Catching a stranger's eye and smiling at them for no reason at all. Complementing someone randomly because you like their book. I miss doing shit like that.

Life has become so dreadfully monotonous that even if I have all the time in the world I wouldn't do something cuz I just don't feel like it. Or not go to V.T. because I can't compromise on the only one hour that I have because I have to meet my boyfriend. I haven't been too happy. I want to feel glad about who I am, what I'm doing... I want to thank the people who complete my life, make my spirits soar, bring a smile to my face.

If you listen to this song "Smile like you mean it" make sure you listen to the words, they make you realize how much you're losing out on things and how you gotta move on with time.

A few quotes.....

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
- Chris Rock

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
-Ellen DeGeneres

Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-George Bernard Shaw

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx

We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it, that's it.
- Jack Black

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.
- Jack Black

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.
-Jack Nicholson

I've been too many places. I'm like the bad penny.
-Jack Nicholson

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.
-Jack Nicholson

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
-Steven Wright

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I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends

I seriously can't write no more. Inspiration has abandoned me and made me lady luck's black sheep. Okay it's not like I'm perpetually unhappy with my life. Everyone wants to strive harder to prove it not to anyone, but atleast themselves, that they aren't underachievers.

Opportunities come with an expiry date. If you don't make use of them at the right time, they have to be thrown in the discarding bin. But then again, when one door is slammed at your face, desperation drives you to try every other door unless you find something relatively similar.

In the midst of all that's happening lately, I am convinced that I really don't have much time to **** around with (my DAD occasionally reads my blogs, so dad I didn't exactly use 'the word'). My friends are really drawing away from me. Not that, either of us are doing it deliberately, but at such a point when we really need to be engrossed in our own lives, everyone's under the impression, "No one gives a shit about me!!!"

This is for my friends or for anyone who is going through the angst that drives everyone to the point of insanity. It's just a phase. Besides no one can help you out in such a dreadful situation, but yourself. I mean, don't take me as this weird ass wannabe who trying to sit and advise people how they can pull their lives together. Please!!! I don't do that.

It's just that this is the best way I can convince myself that, I know i can pull myself outta the shit that I'm going through right now. You gotta agree it's at least way better than writing those weird emo poems.

So, finally my life is on it's way to recovery. And I quote The Beatles to increase my feel good factor...

What would think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
He gets high with a little help from his friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I'm gonna to try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight?
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need someone to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love
Oh...
I get by with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends



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Now playing: Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess & Dorm Buddies - With A Little Help From My Friends
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The Rainy Realisation List

Somehow this monsoon I have realized way too much about my life. So I took the initiative of jotting them down. This is what the outcome turned out to be like:

• I cannot be in a perfect relationship with any guy, ever. The only perfect relationship I ever had was my first one. (which technically can be also referred to the time when i couldn't make decisions on my own)
  
• Best friends. What are they for? You share a difficulty with them with an intention to slither out of the muck you are in, but they don't want to interfere. I think it's plain brilliant.
  
• It's criminal for a person who seems to be happy all the time (usually referred to as optimists, I call the intelligent emo-morphs) to get upset. And when they do they are bitches.
• I get broke in 5 days due to poor money management.
• Best friends do try to improve you lifestyle at times. And when they do that you just can't believe how sweet they are.
• I love changing the color of my hair. I wish I was Nymphadora Tonks from Harry Potter.
• I am careless about expensive things e.g. my N95, but really careful about things that hardly cost me anything e.g. my 'tic-tic' clips which I've had for 2 years
• I love keeping in touch with all the people I've ever known
• Then again i love deleting certain contacts from my phone list.
• I hate chatting on line for more than 15-20 minutes.
• I admire intellectual people and tell fake people that they are fake on their face.
• I love PURPLE like a lot.
• So much that I colored my hair burgundy.
• I get inspired by Jaideep Khare's blog once in a while and envy coz i can't write like him.
• I usually never land up completing the books that I read. A confession i never make to anyone.
• I liked Hillary Clinton. She's smart.
• I don't like the way Chetan Bhagat writes coz all his books so far superfluously involve a lot of sex.
• I don't mind discussing sex with anyone. It's an interesting topic, when discussed with the right kind of people and not leading to sex.
• The stock market bores me.
• I love the Portugal football team.
• I wish I come up with such lists more often.

P.S. Special credits go out to Jaideep Khare. The entire list idea was actually stolen from him. You can visit his beautiful blog at: http://toorandomforwords.blogspot.com

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Nostalgia Revisited

The year flew by and here I am still sticking to a resolution I made 3 years ago; Not to make any resolutions ever. It helps, resolutions are just a random word you throw into thin air, not even close to a promise.

Goa was my refuge from my twisted life in Mumbai. That's what I actually thought till I got there. There was something different about the place I called HOME. It no longer felt welcoming. Anyway I thought probably that was because of the 12 hour journey which induced severe motion sickness. I met all the people who supposedly knew me the best. It felt good to see them somehow it felt weird coz there were a few new additions who actually belonged in the inner core of the circle.
My best friend Tanvi, has a new boyfriend. I'm happy for her, but a few things have created a massive mutation in her character. They fight a lot, she gets equally upset every time ; I assume it strengthens their bond. The whole relationship lacks something concrete, which is why I'm not convinced about HER being happy.

My ex boyfriend, Siddharth, man oh man, He's hot!!! He stands apart from the entire 'all- men- are- jerks' junta. Still the carefree attitude with a whole new tonne of maturity, I fell for him all over again.

Tara, my 'certified bitch for life' (in the sense our bond is too strong to be tampered with) is the only survivor amongst the other folks. Battling exaggerated expectations from her family she's the only person who still stuck to science. I'm so proud of her. The pressure could've crumbled anyone.

It seems like a happy world down there, but a conversation with Siddharth made me realize how things are as screwed up for them as they are for me. Tanvi and her boyfriend have some really major issues, which can actually shake the foundations of their relationship. Things she doesn't know about him and things he refuses to acknowledge about her. Stuff like this can actually ruin their life.
Tara is crumbling, but not showing it. Rumors, bad relationships, pathetic boyfriends are actually showing their effect now and she is resorting to impulsive measures.
Siddharth can't do anything without his mother's consent. Things got really bad ever since his mother kept a tab of the going- ons with him and his girlfriend(s).

I crave to go back and live there. Something very solid convinced me, I won't fit there anymore. I lead a completely different life here. I have different issues, different controversies floating around me and different problems to fret about. No matter how much I crib about being away from my old life, somewhere deep down I know I'm happy to not live there anymore. I realized so much about people here, about people I called friends. People change,for good; their lives change for the better.

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The Guy Who Changes My Life.

There I was starting my fresh term, in a fresh school, which seemed more like a concentration camp. It lacked the very core of going to a new place, fun. I walked in with my hair in a mess, kohl in my eyes, skirt shorter than what the school's rule book specified, converse in my feet. My rebel look, which usually spoke my attitude out, Don't mess with me, I am THE outcast.

I walk into my classroom, welcomed by this girl who goes like," Oh! So you are Vasundhara Singh..." I was a lil shocked, wondering if i had already earned my celebrity status.
Me: "How do you know?"
Gal: " the vice principal read out this letter sent by your dad, explaining your delay. How's your mother feeling now?"
Me: {Scratching head, wondering what happened to my mom} Oh! She's great. Just got discharged out of the hospital. Bad diarrhea. You know it's the season.

God! I was late to school by like 4 days. Reason, I was sent to Delhi for brain washing. But I didn't care.

I looked for an isolated corner in class, which was already occupied by this guy, who I'll really like to take interest in. I took a seat next to the weird girl and whispered to her," Whose he?"
Gal: Oh! He's Sharan.
Me: {Drooling} Ahhhh.....

Surprisingly his name turned out to be Sharang... I like guys with a unique name. I tried to get talking with him, but he was taken already by this chick who showed an immense amount of interest in him. I was heart broken. He listens to trance, but at least knew that West life wasn't a rock band!!!

There I was stuck in the hell hole filled with people obsessed with Orkut, trying to draw account table formats, trying to adjust myself with teachers and students alike who couldn't get the G out of grammar.

I got to know him over the period time. But it was more like we were competing in this place with absolutely no attitude for attitude and ego. Yep! ego, huge ones. I started to like him for the person he was; strong emotionally, cute{kill me for this one}, witty, cute, smart, cute, intellectual and cute. But he didn't like me at all. Avoided me, was rude to my face. What more was I asking for. I Wanted a friend in this cruel and harsh world.

People hated me. I still talked to him. He got tired of all the attention he was getting from the female kind from school. He drew back, for atleast a month, he avoided interaction with anyone. I grew curious.

He poured his heart out, told me how his life was back in Colaba. How he wanted to go back, how he hated this Orkut obsessed place. We were in a similar situation.
I asked him out and he turned me down. I cried, I wasn't good enough.

We got back to our lives. Him with studying, Me with dating random assholes. Then we had this school trip. I tried my luck again. it worked. We dated for two days and broke up cuz we're only great friends. Yeah he was right. We got back to our lives again. This time getting closer to each other.

Cutting it shorter.... I really love him. For the person he is. I know him inside out {i guess} he is my pillar of support in times of need. He is my best friend.
Even today when we have nothing to say and we're sitting together, with out cigarettes, we always have something to talk about. I really love him... He's the warmth that comforts me when im all cold, he's the very reason i have faith in friendship. He is my best friend.



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my misery

Punk is no longer herself, shes lost herself to the deathly metal gods. She no longer holds that inner self persona that she had about herself. She wanted to break free from the bonds of fiction and for once be glad she's in the real world.
There she was led by the stranger with deep dark eyes, promising nature and loving aura into the deep dark dungeon of sorrow...

sounds like a very good start for a story. I've noticed, my blog seem more like as if I've got nothing but to crib about my damsel in distress situation, coz here i blame everyone who have made hell outta my life. In fact they do nothing wrong, i believe i turn stronger every time i taste the dust.

Like, for example, I've written about Shantanu here. Honestly i was smitten by him, but soon after i was in a relationship with him i realized, we were perfect, but not for each other. i was the horrid person. Then it was Dev, yeah he was nice i really couldn't get over him for like a llong time, but then someone made me realize after much convincing, how i was missing out on waht i had.

it takes a lot of effort to sit and actually wonder what are the things that perturb you the most, but just one little thing that can pull you out of misery. it depends on what kind of a situation you are in, the little thing can either be an apology you have to make, or just a few things you need to clarify with your ex boyfriend.

my misery is that I feel, something like a relationship can actually make me feel better about myself. But there again I miss out on all my passion for life which actually help me to move on in life. Be it my love for books & music, or helping out friends. I always miss out on these things and crib about not having the perfect guy.

And about Dev, an apology i have to make to him. I bothered him by crying about him all the time. The very fact that i could actually move on, saying that,"This guy is gonna have a nice time getting hold of a lotta chicks, who draw away from men, coz they think they are gonna hurt them." But no i cried about him all the time, and I'm glad i'm actually taking this step of having a lil chat with him, asking him why he broke up with me. which will be my tiny lil reason of relief...

THE END

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